How To Ask Your Bridesmaids to be Part of the Special Day

Your special someone has popped the question, and it’s time to assemble Team Bride. How do you ask your chosen ladies to be part of the bridesmaid squad? Today the Bride Tribe team has assembled some stellar ideas on how to make this as special for them as it will be for you. With your signature panache, of course!

The Etiquette Question

Being a bridesmaid for someone you love is a special task indeed. However, in the interests of warding off a full transformation to Bridezilla, you want to make sure your ladies are also honoured, appreciated, and aware of exactly what your expectations are in terms of their duties, from the bridal shower to the big day.


You’ve probably seen meme after meme of exactly how not to treat your maids, but how can you make this a special event while getting down to honest brass tacks with them, too? Modern wedding expectations have grown into something some people, no matter how much they love you, might not realistically be able to manage, especially if you’re heading to a destination for the wedding itself. What’s a savvy bride to do?


As always with such things, it comes down to communication. How you ask, how gracefully you accept that some people might not be able to make it or commit funds even if they desperately want to, and how clearly you set out your expectations will play a huge part in ensuring everyone enjoys your wedding day as part of the bridal party. Don’t just assume someone can drop everything and join the bridal party because it’s you, even sisters and best friends! We all have busy lives to lead and other commitments to consider.

The Transparency Letter

You may have heard talk of a ‘bridesmaid transparency letter.’ The idea of giving a letter in 2022 may seem odd or archaic, but it’s actually a really great way to help your maids decide if they can manage their special role without piling on the pressure. Bridesmaid expenses can add up quickly, so be honest and open about your expectations for the role, from time and money commitments to aesthetics (if you play that way). It’s a great way to make sure everyone knows what's what without hulking out into Bridezilla, and you’ll find it will take a lot of pressure off of you, too.


But don’t make this all about you- you have the Big Day itself for that. Understand that money, especially, can be difficult to talk about, and while you may be able to afford a certain dress or shoe easily, it might not be the same for everyone you love. Again, the transparency letter allows you to disclose how you see your wedding going down honestly, without making it embarrassing for anyone who can’t commit to the same things you can. They can read it at their own leisure, and decide if they’re able to come to the table without being placed on the spot by the excitement of your ask.


@lisalovesrandom #stitch with @stephanieberman7 I was scared to have a #transparency letter in the #bridesmaidproposalbox but it WORKED OUT. #wedding #weddingtiktok ♬ original sound - Lisa 💙


Be Sweet, Not Surly

“Hold up, “ you’re probably thinking, “isn’t this the biggest Bridezilla move ever?” Of course, it can be! If you’re going to go in there with guns blazing on all your ‘I wants’, you’ll be lucky if anyone says yes. Make it clear you accept a no with no spite-strings attached, and be honest and open about how much they mean to you and how much more special your day would be with them there.

Keep the conversation light, remembering that money and obligations aren’t always easy for people to talk about. Don’t glaze over things that are important to you if they’re going to surface later, either. Make sure they know what you’re covering, what you’re expecting them to cover, and anything else that’s going to be a critical part of the role. It’s a beautiful chance to bond with your gang as they help speed you down the aisle, after all!

It’s becoming more and more common to celebrate the special people in your life as you ask them to take on this role, too. Plus, it’s another great way to make sure the letter looks like an honest, open attempt at communication and setting expectations, and not a Bridezilla stamping her feet and expecting others to jump.

Bride Tribe is proud to offer you a fantastic range of spoil-worthy gift boxes, gifts, and gift cards you can use to let your potential bridesmaids know how much they mean to you as they fall in step with you on this special journey. Along with honest, open communication about your expectations for their roles- and a reminder that even if they can’t commit to this extra-special role in your big day, you’re still the best of friends- it’s a great way to make sure everyone on Team Bride feels supported, loved, and welcome to be themselves. 

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